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Wellness: Anger Management

5 Keys to Controlling Anger

Keys to Handle Anger in more effective way.. be mindful of your triggers
1) Don't be attached
Don't equate your ideas and opinions with your self worth. Think of your ideas as a book. 
If you don't like my ideas (book) then you are not disagreeing with the essence of who I am...just with my ideas (book).
You are NOT your ideas.
2) Don't take things personally
Don't assume it is directed at you.  Don't take it or make it personal.
It's not about you...it's about them and their experience at that time. (Are they hungry, tired, stressed?  Those increase agitation.)
3) Let things go
Let go of needing things to go your way.
Don't use absolutes like never..always...
if you catch yourself using them, stop. Extreme words drive extreme feelings.
We have very few needs; the rest are "wants"
4) Be mindful of your body (Are you hungry, tired, stressed?  Those increase agitation.
Don't let your mind trick you into thinking "I feel agitated, so I must be upset..."
Have a snack, take a nap, relax.  then discuss it.
5) Learn how to articulate what you’re feeling
The practice of accurately naming emotions you are feeling helps you control those emotions.

How to de-escalate someone

1) Validate their feelings. Give recognition of how they feel. Nobody is right or wrong for how he or she feels. Acknowledge how that person feels.

Don't just validate someone until you think they are validated....validate them until they actually feel heard. When people feel heard they go from upset and emotional to expressing release or relief.  ONLY then do you move on to step 2.

2) Help them explore their options. 

3) Allow them to make their choice. Respect their free will to choose what they are going to choose.  Let go and respect their choice.

Dr. Christian Conte Playlists on YouTube

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